


The Loss of Magnus

by AngelynMoon



Series: Angel [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec needs his Magnus' hugs, Angel Alec Lightwood, Because of future battle, I don't know, I'm so sorry, M/M, Magnus Bane Dies, Sad Alec Lightwood, This is HEARTBREAKING, Time Travel, like you're going to cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 15:28:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14834912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelynMoon/pseuds/AngelynMoon
Summary: Summary: Future Alec has lost Magnus, he's devastated.





	The Loss of Magnus

Summary: Future Alec has lost Magnus, he's devastated.

 

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"I lost you." Alec said softly as he turned to look at Magnus as he entered the room.

He looked different that Magnus usually saw him, his eyes were red and irritated, almost scrubbed raw, his cheeks were rubbed dry and flaky, his hair was a mess of rats nests and greasy, his clothing was torn and ripped in places, dirty and better thrown aray or burned, Alec had more skin exposed than covered, and his wings, Magnus wanted to cry for those beautiful wings; they were a mess of crooked, broken, and singed black feathers, and that was before mentioning the torn and missing ones. The wings themselves were hanging limply from between Alec's shoulders and some of the delicate bones that made them up looked broken and twisted.

Alec looked like he had gone through hell and lost, but he can't have, because he was standing in Magnus' living room looking like the world had been destroyed.

"I'm right here, Alexander." Magnus offered, not knowing what else to say as he opened his arms.

Alec fell into them and began to cry as he clutched at Magnus, Magnus didn't have the heart to tell Alec that he was having trouble breathing because of his tight grip because these were not the tears of something simple, these were the tears of losing something that changed everything, that tore worlds apart and destroyed the living.

Magnus held Alec close and carefully guided them down to the couch.

"I didn't think it would hurt so much, I don't understand how it could hurt this much, is this how it feels to die?" Alec gasped into Magnus' chest, "It feels like I'm dying, Magnus, and I don't know how to make it stop hurting, it feels like the day Asmodeus reached into my chest and tore my heart out, only a thousand times worse."

Magnus' breath caught when Alec mentioned his father but forced himself to relax as he held Alec in his arms.

"I thought I had no more tears left to cry." Alec whispered as his tears kept falling .

"Do you want to tel me what happened?" Magnus asked asked quietly as he sent a quick message to his Alec that he should stay at the Institute for the next few days, giving a short explination of 'you're already here and something is wrong.' 

They had made several plans about what to do if something like this happened because his Alec knew that one day Future Alec would come back devistated by some loss and Alec wasn't quite sure what would happen if they were in the same room and even though techniquely Alec had yet to live what was to come if he had wanted to he could have reaced for the memories, since Angels did not live as mortals the Memories he would one day make were already there for him to access if he chose but he never did, except for very rare occasions for some very special people.

"I lost you." Alec murmured again, "I failed and you were right there, only just out of reach and then you were gone and I couldn't... I can't find your soul except here in the past."

Magnus' heart stuttered, "What does that mean?" 

Alec hiccuped, "Usually souls are recycled, in a way, reused and sent to live life after life until they achieve something akin to enlightenment, at which time they are granted angelic powers, the lowest form of Angels, some rise higher but most never do. But you're just gone, I can't find you, Magnus, Where did you go?" Alec sobbed, digging his face into Magnus' chest and gripping his shoulders tighter.

"I don't know." Magnus whispered, pressing a kiss to Alec's hair.

They sat there for hours, neither moving, the sound of Alec's sobs the only nois but for their breathing and the rustling of Alec's sad wings.

Magnus held Alec and wondered what happened, how he had been killed, had it been his father, a Nephilim or a Seelie? Or had it just been rotten luck that had taken Magnus from Alec? But it couldn't have been that because then his sould would have been reborn as others were not lost to the abyss, so what was it that had destroyed Alec with his death.

Alec was just enjoying the sound of his husband's beating heart under his ear, the rise and fall of his breathing, the soft kisses that Magnus was pressing to his hair and his arms holding Alec tightly like if he didn't Alec would disappear, Present Alec would be home soon, he'd have to leave, leave this young version of his husband that breathed and held him and go be alone in the future that awaited him. Lonely and cold and without his husband; Alec felt tears sting his raw cheeks and burn his eyes as the fell, how long could he cry before his body failed to produce tears?

How long could he cling to this past version of the man he could not bare to live without but would be forced to? Why could Alec not find him? Where was he, where did he go?

Alec wondered how he could let Magnus follow him into battle, why?

"Come back to me, my darling." Alec whispered, "I don't want to be without you."

"I'm here, Alexander." Magnus murmured into his hair.

"But you're not mine, my Magnus is gone." Alec cried.

Magnus squeezed Alec and said nothing else.

\-----------

Alec entered the loft two days after Magnus' worrisome fire Message and stopped as he entered the living room, Magnus looked like he'd lost something precious.

"Hey, Magnus." Alec said softly, making Magnus look up from where he had been sitting staring at the flames in their fireplace.

Magnus looked crushed and like he had been crying, "Alexander." He whispered and reached out to Alec.

Alec folded the man into his arms and let him cling to him and cry.

"It's wrong of me but I wish you could die before me." Magnus sobbed.

Alec's heart stuttered, 'Oh, no, I lost Magnus.'

"You were so broken, Alexander, your wings, you cried until your eyes bled and then you cried some more, and..." Magnus pulled back and surged forward to kiss Alec desparately, "I love you, I love you, I love you so much, I'm so sorry that I die, that I leave you, Alexander, I never want to be parted from you, I know eventually I will die, but I never want you to doubt that I love you, that I need you." Magnus pulled Alec close again, "Marry me, call me your husband for the rest of eternity, even when I'm lost?"

Alec surged to kiss Magnus and wrapped himself and his Soul light around Magnus' spread his light through Magnus' and pulled Magnus' into his own and listened to Magnus' hitching gasps.

They broke apart and rested their foreheads together.

"Yes." Alec breathed, "Yes, I'll call you husband for as long as I exist, and when your soul is born again I'll find you, again and again for the rest of eternity." Alec vowed, not understanding Magnus' renewed sobs as the Warlock kissed him over and over.

\------

I had planned this as a second chapter to the next story, but I decided that it had a better impact as a one-shot. I am so sorry for this installment but it had to happen, I had to write it and it hurts my soul a little thinking about Future Alec. I am sorry for all the tears I know you are going to be crying, I'll try to make the next one happier but I can't make any guarantee.


End file.
